What is the best way of getting along with your ex?

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Answered by: Adrienne, An Expert in the Your Relationship with Your Ex-Spouse Category
I have a lot of people ask me how I get along so well with my ex-husband. Having a good relationship with an ex can be very difficult, and often times, hard to achieve. Simply put, you must first look at the reason or reasons why you ended the relationship/marriage to begin with.

For example, if one or both of you were cheating, it may not be as easy to forgive. If you can not forgive someone, how can you be friends with them? Getting along with your ex doesn't mean you have to be friends. You just have to be able to have an adult conversation without wanting to rip them to shreds. That being said, you must learn to forgive; you may never forget, but forgiveness is key. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they make them over and over again. Forgiveness allows you to move on and be less stressed. There is no point in stressing about what happened in the past. Dwelling on past events only causes more anger.

So, step one to getting along with your ex is forgiveness. Step two isn't for everyone, so you may find yourself skipping this step. Step two involves children. If you and your ex have children together, it is vital that you try to have a good relationship. When you argue in front of or about your children, it creates a barrier between the two of you, as well as the children. We find that children often like to pick sides during a divorce or separation. It is important to avoid your children picking sides. If your children see that you are able to be civil towards one another, they are less likely to put blame on one of the parents. Also, they are less likely to blame themselves for the separation.

If you have children, be certain to try your hardest to be as friendly as possible to your ex. Children are very impressionable and you want to make this transition as easy on them as you can.

The third and final step is to eliminate jealousy. This may appear to be easy for those of you who claim that you don't get jealous. The truth is, everyone has some form of jealousy. In order to get along with your ex, you must understand that they will begin dating again. They may not start dating right away, but someday it will happen. Your ex might even remarry. The best way to eliminate jealousy is to remind yourself, that someday you will date as well. When you start dating, you wouldn't want your ex to be upset about it, right? So, you can not be upset when they do the same. If you can have a decent relationship with your ex's new spouse, that's for the best, as well. It is highly recommended that all parties have good communication and a willingness to be friendly.

I'm not suggesting you have a get together once a week or go see a film together. I'm simply saying if you can get through a conversation without an argument, you've come a long way. There is no denying the fact that it is difficult to get along with an ex. At some point, everyone has been there. Not everything lasts, that is life. What is most important is to make life better by being happy. Not one person is happy when they are fighting with anyone, especially someone they once cared for. So, talk to your ex, forgive him or her, and try to have good communication.

Remember it isn't just about you. There are two of you in this scenario and you should be sure to hear what they have to say. No situation is ideal, and everyone handles break-ups differently. This article may help you and it may not. Depending on your state of circumstances, there may be no way of having a pleasant relationship with your ex. That being said, I certainly hope you can find your happiness in life. If that means never speaking to an ex again, or getting along and being friends with your ex; either way, be happy.

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