Dating After Divorce: Make Sure You’re Ready
No matter what well meaning suggestions come from family and friends, determining the dating time after divorce really depends on you. If your ex starts seeing someone else, your first reaction may be to start seeing someone else too. But are you really ready?
Identify Your Needs
Make sure your past and its emotional baggage stay locked in a trunk somewhere with the key permanently MIA. A lot of times, this is easier said then done. You've got history. It could complicate matters even more if you're distracted by the concerns of being newly divorced and suddenly start seeing other people. Dating is a way for you to meet new people and do fun things together. But that can't happen when you're constantly complaining about your ex. Analyze your real motivation for dating. If you're looking for validation through someone else to neutralize the sting of being rejected, it just might lead to disappointment. Start the healing process by learning to love yourself first before you attempt to love someone else.
Perhaps for a long time you only focused on love as a couple. Now that you're divorced, it's time to do some real soul searching. How do you see yourself now? Do you believe that you deserve the best out of life? With all of the changes you’ve gone through, make sure you’re taking the time to focus on becoming a stronger person by turning a negative situation into a positive. Dress to feel and look good. Switch up your daily routine and past patterns and surround yourself with the people that really inspire and support you.
Dating again may almost feel unnatural after being committed to one person. Be patient with yourself and don't strive for perfection when it's time to express how you feel as your date gets to know you better.
Divorce is a common occurrence in the world of relationships. It's okay to be honest about your past relationship without going into intimate details about what happened between you and your ex.
Talk to Your Kids
If you have children, seeing other people can be more challenging and more stressful. Most children fantasize about the day when their parents will get back together, so them seeing you dating someone on a regular basis might bring up resentment. It's takes careful forethought to choose the right time for younger or older children to meet that special someone. It’s usually best to keep dates out of sight until there’s a bit of commitment in order to keep kids from feeling anxious or overwhelmed by frequent introductions. It's important to keep your dating scene in its place. Children need stability in their lives. A divorce likely will create some insecurity within them. So take time to bond with them and express your love for them as you and your ex still work things out as parents.
Probably the best thing about going through a failed marriage is learning what you DON'T want in a relationship. But don't just focus on your ex, also acknowledge your part in your marriage's demise to keep from making the same mistakes again. Stay realistic but positive of what dating can bring to your life without expecting too much from your prospective partner. Only you can decide the dating time after divorce which will likely come in stages. Even when you're only interested in dating casually, you must acknowledge the feeling of others who may misread your intentions if they're not clearly stated.
If you're looking for a serious relationship, be prepared to erase any past feelings for your ex. Understandably, no one wants to be the one you choose on the rebound!